It signifies a new beginning! :-D
This post is dedicated to his best friend who gave me the push to want a happy life that I lead today. Sorry for raising my voice when I spoke to you the other day, my friend. Day by day, I realise how right you were that morning when I decided to leave with Angel.
I still remember the night before that great morning, I called the cab to go to KLIA with Angel. I 'discussed' with my ex-husband about it. He acted as if he didn't care. I wasn't bothered to know if he was because my heart was set to leave that night. And he made sure I left the cheque book with him and I did (I took it back when I found out what he had really done!). He pretended to go out with his best friend for a drink while I was waiting for the cab to pick me up. He was actually just somewhere nearby, watching if I was really going. When he was convinced that I was, he came back into the house again.
I said, "Why are you watching from there? I thought you didn't mind. Stop lying to everyone that you are with me because I may kill myself cos I'm not. I'm just going for a life I want without you."
He answered, "I made a bad bet. I thought you wouldn't leave. Now that I know you would, can we at least discuss about this?"
"I thought we 'discussed' about it before you left for your 'drink' just now."
"I thought you wouldn't leave!" Then he walked over to me and knelt down, not weeping this time because his friend was there, I believe.
"Don't beg me, don't kneel before me. Your friend is here. You need to save your face!"
"That is not important anymore. What is important is that you both are here with me."
"But I thought you told everyone you wanted to be single!"
"I thought I could but when I see you both leave, I know I was lying to myself. I am not ready for single life."
"What?!! Ready?!! When will you be ready? When you have enough money to kick us away?"
"I'll never be ready! I'm so sorry for what I have done. I know I can't change things but I promise I will make it up to you. I will use the rest of my life to make it up to you both. You can choose wherever you want us to go, whether to go UK or stay put in KL. So long as you both are with me."
"Sorry, we are going wherever we want but just not with you. There is nothing in you that we want anymore. Over the years, we have never needed you because you have never cared enough for us, especially the last six months when you spent all your time with your girls, and that made us so strong, the way we are today. All along, we only wanted you to be part of us for a simple reason, YOU WERE part of us. But now, we are so independent. YOU trained us to be so independent that we don't need nor want you anymore. So, just leave us alone and let us take the way we want. And most importantly, I want to prove all your lies that you are here just because we will hurt ourselves."
"I'm sorry for what I said. You know I didn't mean it."
"I never know what you mean, remember? :-D I remember you told your father you married a wife not a mother!"
"I'm really, really sorry. You know all these years I have always been a kid. A big kid. Can you just take care of me like how you used to do? Decide everything for me. I love you doing that for me. Please..."
That lasted for over an hour. And because his best friend was starving, I gave in half-heartedly. The next morning, the first thing when I woke up, I questioned him again. The girl I called said you have never stopped going to her pub. You even went last weekend when you were supposed to be watching football with your friends. Is she right?
"Yes, but I won't go again."
"And you went there alone all the time?"
"I did nothing. Just went to drink with her for an hour and went to another pub to really meet friends for football. I will never do it again." (In fact, he spent 6 hours there that Saturday night!)
"Okay, so more discoveries today."
"I promise I will never do it again."
"Okay."
The next thing I received an sms from his best friend who put up a night at our place. He asked me to go downstairs as he has something important to tell me. So I did.
"What is it?"
"You know, even if you go UK with him, he will still hurt you because from what I heard from him after he begged you last night, he still wanted that kind of life, just having fun with girls with no string attached. And he still said he was here last night because you may hurt yourself!"
"But you did see I wasn't. I was just taking the cab to KLIA."
"I know but he was still saying that. We chatted till 5 a.m. and he told me this."
"Okay. I understand. I know what to do."
The next minute when I saw my ex-husband, I pretended I was cool with it and asked him to go for breakfast with his best friend, while I would bathe Angel and wait for him to come back, and have a great lunch with us.
What I really did on that morning when they left was to call the cab and left.
He did try to find us and made so many promises on the phone. But I knew they would all be empty promises. I just didn't know how right I was then. :-)
P.S. That very day, I asked if you have regretted because I wanted to tell you to be wary of your best friend. But I don't think you should now as he has done the right thing for both of us! Asking me to leave and asking you not to come after, after just one day of running around looking for traces of us. Thank you so much, best friend, if you are reading this. Sincerely from my heart this time.
